He'd joke about making me scream, and I'd say, confidently, "Bring it." Or he'd forward articles or videos of BDSM research he'd done. In a D/s (Dominant/submissive) relationship, you have to trust each othe —emotionally, mentally, spiritually. We settled on opposite sofas, and I was a fidgety, nervous mess.
While a Dominant, or "Dom," may have the "power," he can only go as far as his submissive, or "sub," will let him. What if I didn't like the pain as much as the idea of it? And just like that, our long-distance, extramarital D/s relationship began.
Then Doug stood up, towering over me, and grabbed a fistful of my hair. Meanwhile, I tried to suppress this thing between Doug and me. With 500 miles between us, we're in contact over e-mail, text, and Skype.
I began having fantasies about him like I'd never had about anyone. I'd heard about BDSM—bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism and masochism—but didn't know much about it. Wasn't it weird that I, a proud feminist, could enjoy something so degrading? Wink, wink."At first, we casually texted, catching up on each other's lives.
Curious about my new feelings, I did some research online. Another showed a girl on the floor with a man standing over her asking who she belonged to. He'd finished an Ironman triathlon, and I'd started working on a business plan to venture out on my own.
Our shared interest in BDSM came up slowly, in e-mails and on the phone. "Almost a year after our first date, Doug came to my house to try BDSM.
When I first met Doug on in 2005, we were 26 and living in Washington, D.
C., both recently out of serious relationships, both working long hours at jobs we loved.
He had a big position with a top financial firm; I headed up public relations for a health-care nonprofit.
On our first date, although we only kissed, he told me I wouldn't be the same when he was done with me.
I knew he was right—I just didn't know what it meant. Doug was tall with dark hair and eyes, but it wasn't his looks that unglued me.
A recent business school graduate, he was smart, confident, and witty. We dated for a few months and had intense—if, in retrospect, vanilla—sex.
We'd talk for hours about politics and sports, and though he commented on how amazing our chemistry was, how amazing I was, he held back emotionally. There was a magnetic pull between us, only the attraction swallowed me.
I became uncharacteristically needy, and it pushed him away. Within a few clicks on another popular site, I found Doug's profile.