So I tried speed dating, but decided it wasn’t for me. Well-meaning friends reassured me ‘weak’ men are never attracted to ‘strong’ women. The biggest shift Months of dating turned into years. The very ground I walked on felt irreparably shifted when I left my dad dead in that hospital bed. I lost weight and months passed in an empty numbness.
You dating commitment phobe
And I met nice guys – kind, caring, with no hang-ups, and happy in their own skins.
Some I dated for a month or so, then I’d ditch them for being too dull.
I wasn’t being too picky, I just refused to settle.
Not for the first time, I was at my best friend’s house crying over a failed affair.
At 35, I’d spent 10 years dating, looking for someone decent I could settle down with, but yet another relationship had hit the dust, this time after three months. Everything changed when I was 25 and my boyfriend of six years said: ‘I don’t love you enough’, just after I’d had our baby girl. From being settled with a man I’d been with since age 19, I found myself in a council flat as a single mum. Spinning between grief, sadness, anger and loneliness, with my father, and my ex’s parents’ support, I found my feet on Bambi legs.
As I bemoaned yet again the lack of men with the guts to commit, she told me bluntly: ‘It’s not a boyfriend you need, it’s therapy’. A year later, I found a full-time job and bought my own flat before approaching finding love again. ’ But any upset over my disastrous love life paled into insignificance when my beloved father fell seriously ill.
At first, I dated friends of friends, but the pool of single men was growing ever smaller. Just two weeks later, I held his hand while watching his heart stop on the life-support machine.
Later, he told me he didn’t want a relationship, but wanted to see me again. After each date, Harry ignored me for days before apologising.
Then I would ignore him back, but he refused to leave me alone.
We tried being just friends, then friends with benefits and then finally an item.
That lasted about a week until he emailed me on Christmas morning to say he never wanted to see me again. In a bid to forget about Harry, I returned to online dating with renewed determination.